Dirty Peccadillos

       I don’t consider myself a “smoker.”  And yet I do indeed enjoy a good cig once in a while.  I favor those  cigs with no added rat poison or plutonium.  American Spirit.  It’s a quality smoke.  Burns slow.  You can really kick back and stretch out with one of those. Last calendar year, I consumed seven cigarettes, and when I say "consumed," I mean the way a person consumes a cigar.  Yeah, I don't want that stuff in my lungs.  

      These days people seem more and more rigid in their opinions, and most anything can constitute a deal breaker in relationships.  I suspect that a person who has a strict “no smoking ever” policy will find themself with plenty of opportunities to be in a room where there is no cigarette.  And no significant other.

(NOTE:  mention the incident at the driving range w/ John and that cunt from the ins agency?)

     People who pull out a cig today are ostracized about as much as people who never pulled one out back in the '50s.  A particularly conservative, religious, and straight-laced friend of mine (!) once wore a button with a picture of flowers and the tagline “Smoking Stinks.”   Okay.  You know, smoking is more than just the stench of a stale ashtray.  Likewise, religion is probably more than just burning people who are different.

     Apparently some folks are under the impression that a single cigarette will cause their curtains to smell like a Bangkok brothel.  Listen, in order to make your curtains smell like a Bangkok brothel, you’d have to… Never mind what you’d have to do.

     I personally find tattoos kind of a dirty peccadillo.  I don’t see the allure.  I don’t get why people get them.  Other than the obvious, “I was drunk at the time,” or “It’s the Chinese character for Judge Judy, who saved my life by making me realize I should quit law school,” I don’t know what motivates people to get them.  Maybe it’s because I have sensitive skin.

     That said, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker if a woman whom I liked had a small one in a discreet, remote location.  I  would have to be pretty closed-minded to rule out a sweet, smart girl just because she has a minor flaw.  After all, it’s a high impact world we live in today.   I keep hearing about the importance of branding yourself.  Since no one has job security anymore, you must make yourself stand out. 

     Whatever the reason for getting tattooed, I’m a reasonable man.  It’s not like in the middle of our first intimate encounter, having pulled off her undergarments, I’m going to exclaim in a Ralph Kramden voice, “ah-HAH!  You didn’t tell me about your filthy little friend.  You know how I feel about tats.”

      “Uhh…what?  That’s not a tat, you idiot.”