Sugar-Coated Nuptials

     Certain words strike me as odd-sounding.  Nuptials is such a word.  “Last week I went in to have my nuptials removed.”  It’s like an appendix: no longer needed.  Nuptials to me sounds like a food.  Hostess bite-sized nuptials.  “Mrs Sedgewick, these nuptials are scrumptious.”  Sounds like “vittles.”  Birds Eye frozen nuptials:  the groom has cold feet.  Mixed nuptials:  inter-racial.  Green Giant steamed nuptials:  she’s a pissed off bridezilla.  

     Remember, for women it’s bad luck to see the groom before the wedding.  For men, it’s awkward to see other customers at the massage parlor.  Other annoying words:  Kudos, props and preggers.  “Kudos and props on the nuptials.  Are you preggers?” 

Excellence in Obviousness

    You hear some aging rock legend reflecting in his memoir on his six-and-a-half marriages, and  he says something like, "The thing is, I love women.  I really do.  To me there is nothing more beautiful than the naked female body."  What a Renaissance man coming up with that!  Give him a Nobel Prize for excellence in obviousness.