Don't Knock

One of the benefits of the internet/computer  age is that when you’re home at two on a Monday  afternoon and someone—the meter man, a sales rep, etc—comes knocking, you don’t have to make up some fake job to hide the fact that you’re slacking.  “Yeah, I work nights.” 

“Oh?  Where?”

“Uh, up at the plant.”

“The plant?”

“Yeah, Hi-Speed.  Hi-Speed  Chicken Wire.”

Now you can just say that you work from home via the Web.

On a radio call in show people were discussing the different ways in which various jobs are portrayed in the movies.  One woman was going on in the vein that most jobs are humiliating.  People endure the indignities of commuting, taking shit from bosses, customers, etc.  These, she pointed out, are all indignities.

Then you hear politicians talking about the dignity of work.  "All people deserve to have the dignity that comes with a job."


In any case, don’t knock on my  door if you are any of the following.  (I know what you’re thinking:  He’s going to attack Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Actually, they don’t come around.  Maybe all this freethinking, non-believing and questioning that's going around is having some positive effect.)

No, here are the real pests.  Don’t knock if you are…

·         A neighbor who wants to know if I’m missing a cat.  (I will never be missing a cat.)

·         A Cop with a bad attitude.  (Cops with a good attitude are okay.)

·         A contractor  working with your young son on the vacant house next door and want to know if you can plug your extension into the outlet on the side of my house.  I don’t have time to go look through the hedges every hour to make sure you’re not running a TV, air conditioner,  battery charger, game boy, hot plate and mini fridge off a power strip.

·         Any realtors, developers or boy scouts.  Fuck boy scouts.  That is, fuck THE Boy Scouts.

·         A landscaper—there  is a big, rotten stump out in the front yard—who wants to do yard work and grind the stump. 

(If it is your first day as a door-to-door call girl and you want to grind my stump, the door is open.)