The Day Pat Decided To Be a Preacher

  When he was quite young, Pat  had a loose tooth.  (Turns out the tooth wasn't the only thing loose in little Pat's head.)  He figured he'd go ahead and yank it, so as to collect from the tooth fairy.  So when he went to bed that night, little Pat put his bicuspid under the pillow, and dreamed of a remunerative visit.

   When he awoke, there was a coin and a misspelled note.  The note said, "Change for your Bicupid."

   Little Pat thought to himself, Bi Cupid? Change for my Bi Cupid?  Never! You'll have to pry my next loose tooth from my cold, deadened gum!  So that's how all these gay people are getting together... They're not born gay; it's a slippery slope set in motion by the evil handiwork of Bi Cupid.  So that's why he's called the tooth fairy.

   Now, Pat is nothing if not non-curious, so he never checked out the spelling of that note.  To this day he blames Bi Cupid, a sort of moral decay villain and teammate of Bi-Curious, for the decline of civilization.


Speaking of teeth...

   I recently had an upper wisdom tooth pulled.  I don't know if you've had this happen, but it can leave a space, a passage, between your mouth and your sinuses, and you get backwash up in there, and it stinks.  But the thing that worries me is I'm gonna get like a hunk of hot dog stuck up in the socket.  Then the gum's gonna heal over and I'm gonna have a hot dog socket.  This thing's gonna go bad, gonna come back to haunt me like something from a Poe story.  I'll be bent over in madness.  "The pulsing!  The throbbing!"

    Is that gay?  A throbbing hot dog in my mouth?