Stay-At-Home Bachelor

                                                               

   My mother told me before she died, “Honey, you have no idea how miserable a wife can make you feel.”  And one time my sister-in-law Kathy said to me, “Never have children!”  Right in front of her kids.  Just before she died.

 

   My mom and sister-in-law are still hanging in there, but the rest is true.  There have been times when Kathy looks like she’s going to have a nervous breakdown.  And my brother has told me that he “feels like a human pinball.”

   Today, however, I suspect that Kathy wouldn’t characterize parenthood in such severe terms.  My nieces and nephews have turned out cooler and more wonderful than I ever imagined.  I help my 13-year old niece with her homework.  Sometimes she has to show me what to do, but I catch on quick.  Her little sister plays piano and soccer, has a great sense of humor, and loves life.  Their 16 year old  brother volunteers at the Nature Center, and knows more about computers than I ever will.  He set up this blog for me.  (With his brains and my gut...)  He has agreed not to read it, and based on preliminary stats from blogger, apparently so has everyone else.

   When I was a baby, I reportedly didn’t like to be held.  I would arch my back and try to get away.  As a child I had severe eczema, athsma and the occasional rickit.  I have always been claustrophobic, and often have dreams that I’m mired in a swamp or otherwise constrained.  Recurring health issues have interfered with my work.  It’s a struggle, but today I manage to balance the demands of my social discomfort with my lack of defined career path: I’m a stay-at-home bachelor.

    

    The weather has been unusually warm the past couple days, and a noisy bird has been hanging around my bedroom window at like 4:30 in the morning.  The thing about birds is that they make a lot of noise, but they don't have much to say.  This petulant little bastard acts like he owns the neighborhood.  He won't be waking me up anymore, though.  I took care of that.  Fitted him with a tiny shock collar, so every time he tweets, he gets a nice shock.  Maybe somebody can put one on Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.