Every Kind of People

    Ever have a person accuse you of thinking that all people of their race look alike?  It happened to me a few years ago, and it bothered me.  Up at the club, I confused the dude on stage with someone else.  I'd seen both people only once before.  I said, "Is that Kevin?"  The guy standing next to me said, "Oh man, I can't believe you..."  Actually I couldn't quite understand what he was saying, and I had to say, "What's that?" a couple times.  (This is going from bad to worse: not only can I not tell them apart, but apparently I also can't understand what they're saying.  Hey, it was loud in there.)

    For the record, I think everybody looks alike.  I thought the Progressive Insurance lady was Maggie Gyllenhaal.  About four years ago, I couldn't tell Hilary Duff from Hannah Montana.  (That's a whole other issue.)  I've seen pictures of Sandra Bullock in sunglasses where she looks just like Michael Jackson. These days Natasha Henstridge is looking quite Lolita Davidovich-ish.  Ryan Gosling looks like a cleaned-up version of the guy in Fargo who put Steve Buscemi in the wood chipper.

    When Laura Bush is really lipsticked up, she bears a striking resemblance to Cesar Romero's version of The Joker.  What is it about Republicans and Batman characters?  Dick Cheney: The Penguin.  Dan Quayle: Robin.  Mitt Romney: Two Face.

    Lots of white people look the same.  Don't believe me?  Stand in front of a Wal-Mart in, oh, Ohio.  Or Oklahoma.  Or any other state  that begins and ends with a vowel.  (Or vowel sound.  Thought you were getting off, didn't you, Arkansas?)

    See what I mean?  Every pasty white slob who goes through the door looks the same.  Could happen to anyone.